Fathers are given the responsible for the proper training of their children. Ephesians 6:4 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” This literally means “nourish them in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.” In other words, Christian Fathers should train their children to follow Jesus Christ. This is not to say that mothers don’t have a responsibility and role in the training of the children, but fathers seem to have the greater responsibility.
Some fathers may provoke their children since they have the power to do so. This problem is also addressed in Colossians 3:20-21 “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” True love for our children should motivate us to refrain from provoking them and instead train them to be disciples of Jesus. Provoking of our children can cause them to be angry, resentful, and even rebellious. The apostle Paul treated the Thessalonians like a loving father would treat his children. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 “As you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.” A father should exhort, comfort and charge his children in love.
Before a man can become an overseer/elder or deacon, he must prove himself in how well he trains his children. 1 Timothy 3:4-5 “One who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?).” Titus 1:6 “If a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.” 1 Timothy 3:12-13 “Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.” We are told that the father is to rule his own house; the training of his children should include submission with all reverence. He should train them to be faithful so that they cannot be accused of dissipation or insubordination – in other words, not wild and unruly.
In the Old Testament, parents were instructed to teach the commands of God to their children. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” How much more should fathers teach and train their children in the ways of the Lord today?
The book of Proverbs provides instruction on training and disciplining of children. Proverbs 19:18 “Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction.” Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Proverbs 29:17 “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”
The writer of Hebrews compares the chastening from God to the chastening of a normal father. Hebrews 12:7-11 “If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.” Just as God lovingly chastens us to mold our character to be like Christ, fathers should lovingly chasten their children for the very same reason.
Our Father in heaven loves us just as an earthly father naturally loves his children and gives them good gifts when they ask him. Matthew 7:9-11 “Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Fathers should supply good things to their children as they have need as God supplies our needs.
A father also needs to take the responsibility to provide for his household. 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” There would certainly be an exception to this if the father was physically unable to provide for his family. Otherwise, a father that does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.
When a normal child comes of age, we understand that the responsibility of the father changes. He no longer disciplines or has the responsibility to provide for his children; the children should then be independent and the father serves in an advisory role.
I encourage fathers with children at home to nourish them in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.